Don't fart on me asshole!

What is it with boys?

Why on earth do they think farting is so freaking funny? It’s almost always just grody. NOT FUNNY. Not that I’m so deluded as to believe that telling boys  chicks don’t dig farting will make even the smallest difference  I figure I can still make a list just in case one of those dumb fart knockers decides to look up a clue.

Rules for female fart enjoyment:

Rule 1. WOMEN ALMOST NEVER THINK FARTING IS CUTE OR FUNNY.

Rule 2. If you are unsure if a woman will think a fart will be cute or funny see rule number 1.

Rule 3. If the farting causes extreme embarrassment to the farter then it just might be funny.  Intentional farting is gross. Seriously… GROSS! We do NOT enjoy your “hilarious” fart smell. We do NOT want to “savor” your disgusting butt air. HOWEVER…if this air slips out and you turn a bright color of pink then that shit (shit may not be the best word for this instance…) AHEM… crap? CRAP! Um… well anyhoo… if you’re embarrassed about the aforementioned butt air THEN it’s funny. Not the fart, mind you but the embarrassment that you feel. We DO enjoy that…

Rule 4. Sharting. UNINTENTIONAL sharting can be funny. AFTER the fact; while you are relating the hysterical story about you crapping your pants… I had to preface this with the “unintentional” thing cuz boys are SOOO freaking stupid and some actually think it’s funny to LITERALLY. SHIT. THEIR. PANTS! Fucktards…

Rule 5. It is NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER funny to lock someone in a vehicle and turn the heater up and fart! NOT FUCKING FUNNY ASSHOLE!  EVER! I know that boys seem to think smelling each other’s butt air is funny, WOMEN do not. Not even a little. Seriously… don’t do it. EVER!

Rule 6. It is kinda funny when you ACCIDENTALLY fart in a small room and you’re embarrassed about it. (Notice the theme here?) It’s even better if you have a crush on someone in the room and you let one rip and are mortified by it. AWESOME! THAT is awesome. Once again… NOT the actual farting but the public embarrassment.  

It’s not that chicks don’t have a sense of humor… it’s more that we have a brain. We’ve evolved passed poop and fart jokes. I just don’t get boys… my freaking kid has to have “poop”, “fart” or “butt” in EVERY SINGLE SENTENCE! REALLY? GAH! He’s lucky he’s cute… just sayin…

So what can we take from this? Let me tell you… FARTING IS GROSS! We can tell when you lift your freaking leg up and make that “pooping face” and WE KNOW it’s not an accident so knock that shit off! We do think its funny when people accidentally toot but intentional farting is nasty. Embarrassment is pretty funny (not the pathetic mean kind but the kind we can all laugh about together… me more tho) but sharing your disgusting turd gas is raunchy.

GET IT?

GOOD. Now go wipe your funky ass that one sounded juicy!